Ask Dr. Gloria: Daughters And Their Step-Fathers

Ask Dr. Gloria

We are in the midst of one of the most challenging times in history as well as the most exciting times for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.   However, many among the household of faith are struggling with anxiety and depression because of a failed economy and relationship issues.   I have been blessed with the opportunity to respond to some of your questions relating to mental health/emotional issues, as well as marriage and family, dating, friendship, and workplace issues.   To give you a sneak peak into what you can expect from my column, I am going to share my response to a critical blended family issue that some, even among the body of Christ can relate to.

Q             My husband and my 25-year old daughter are having a real difficult time.  My husband is a good Christian man and he and I have been married 10 years. [My daughter was 15 when we married.]  She has never really accepted him because she wanted me and her biological father to get back together.  My husband has always been good to her, and he tried everything he knew to help her, but she rejected him.  In fact, he has been better to her than her own father.  I admit that she can be rude and disrespectful at times, but she is still my daughter.  She has lived with us the whole time, except for the short time she lived with her father and his new wife.  She didn’t get along with her father’s wife, so her father asked her to leave.   That was three years ago, and she has been back with us ever since.  I am getting so tired of being pulled into the middle of their arguments.  My husband is threatening to leave if she doesn’t.  Not only is she difficult to live with she does nothing to help around the house and refuses to pay rent.  What should I do?  I just can’t seem to put her out; she is my daughter.

A             I can clearly understand your dilemma, but can I keep it real?  Your daughter is wrong.  It is difficult to put a child out, but your daughter is an adult, even though she is not acting much like one.   It is true that some children have a much more difficult time overcoming the break-up of their parents, but that does not mean that you and your husband should be held hostage because of your daughter’s behavior.  Encourage your daughter to seek professional therapy to help her to heal from the divorce so she can move on with her life.  Unfortunately, you must share in some of the responsibility for your daughter’s actions, because you may have enabled her by allowing her to be disrespectful and yet continue to live in your home.  Help your daughter to become independent so you will not have to take care of her the rest of your life.  Perhaps the entire family could benefit from counseling to recover from the past, and to begin a new family dynamic.  Be sure to seek counsel from a trained Christian family therapist who is skilled in integrating Christian principles to help people to heal and recover.  She will always be your daughter regardless of the decision you make, however, if you continue to allow her to run your home, the two of you may be forced to live as roommates, without your husband.

This is just an example of the kind of issues you can expect to see addressed when you read my column.  If you have an issue you would like me to address, please visit my website at www.gloriamorrow.com  and click on Ask the Doc to submit your question.

Dr. Gloria Morrow is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice, author, and speaker in Upland, California.